I like New Years!

"The Lord is teaching me a spiritual lesson with my physical body"
All things are spiritual unto the Lord. 

I really like New Years! I like the idea of getting to start over, and trying again. I like Sundays, and mornings for the same reason. 
I use to have a tendency to want to fix every thing I do wrong right this minute...then I would fail, and beat myself up for not being everything I should be. Although I still sometimes think this way, I have learned through a pattern set in the temple that that's not how the Lord works. He gives us one thing at a time. We work on it until we have mastered it, then we return to him and report. He used this pattern even with our Savior and He is perfect!  
This year Josh Penrod asked us all to do a self evaluation and really think about where we are, and what would best help us improve. I took this challenge seriously, and made it a matter of prayer. This morning I went to the temple seeking guidance in knowing what I lack and how to go about improving. On my own I could think of a lot of things I need to do better, in fact so many that I don't know where to start. That's why I wanted to know where the Lord thought I should start. 
This is what I felt...
I developed some wonderful gifts in the pre earth life, gifts I'm extremely thankful for and have served me well in this life. Some of those gifts are obedience. I don't question what I should do or why, I just do it. I don't even think about why, just that I know I should, so I do. Maybe some people would think that's a bad thing, but for me it's been a huge blessing because in the doing I learn the why and I understand fully the joy that living the gospel brings. It's how I have gained my testimony. 
I am content in pretty much every situation. I have lived in some pretty crappy places, eaten horrible food, dealt with people who are hard to get along with...I have to say for the most part my life has been ideal so i don't really have much to complain about, but I don't really complain. I'm good at adjusting. My dad calls me content. Brian calls me low maintenance. My siblings call me easy going. All that being said, it's been a blessing to not get too worked up over things. 
I am an extremely routine person. For the most part I do the same thing everyday at the same times, I could eat the same thing everyday and not get sick of it, I do the same things day after day, and week after week and I pretty much like it that way. 
I believe God likes routine. So much of what we do in the church is repetition. So much of the earth He created runs on a routine. It gives us time to figure things out, and make small changes along the way. Routine gives me comfort. 
I am so thankful for these gifts! They are part of who I am, and I feel these things are pleasing in many ways to my Father in Heaven. 
With these gifts comes new lessons to learn. These are the lessons I'm going to focus on this upcoming year. 
It came to my mind that I have always exercised my physical body. I would work hard and push myself, but I was only going through the motions, so although it was doing some good for me, it wasn't doing what it could have done. I was just stuck in a routine, not asking questions. Doing things because I should. In the last year I have learned that change comes from not just going through the motions, but doing things with real intent. Thinking about what you're doing, and why, embracing the pain, as well and the reward. Really feeling things!!
When I started exercising differently and connecting in my workouts it made me feel vulnerable, i wasn't sure I liked it. I couldn't make the correct connections and I wanted to just move and not think. I'm so glad I stuck with it! I have learned so much I couldn't go back to the old way.  Now the way I use to exercise seems pointless, and silly. I now can see clearly when others aren't connected to there bodies, and they are just going through the motions, and it makes me feel sorry for them. 
I have been really good at disconnecting in other parts of my life. I feel when I want to feel. I feel happy things, and spiritual things but if something is sad, hard, or stressful, I can just shut if off and not feel.  I can go through the motions, but never really engage in what is happening. There is good in allowing yourself to feel and not just going to a "happy place" and checking out.
 I need to live in the moment that I'm in.
 Live intentionally!! Be grateful for that specific moment. 
I know the Savior allowed himself to feel all the pain, sadness, happiness, goodness that we experience. I need to learn to live my life in a way that I allow myself to feel more fully. I think that starts with being aware. Not just going through the motions, really living with a purpose. I'm not sure exactly what the practical steps are....
I started reading a book about temples that talked about how we can miss the point of the temple when we just go, but don't think about what we are doing there. In the temples of old they made the stairs leading up to the temple different dimensions so that people couldn't mindlessly walk into the temple. You had to think about where you were stepping as you entered the temple.  I like the idea of taking intentional steps. I don't know exactly what the practical steps are for this journey, I just know it's the next step in my progression. 
Taking that step scares me to death! What if it's really painful. Facing things that aren't pleasant is never fun, but how do I fix the things that aren't right if I just act like they don't exist?  It's scary!! I think about the mountains I could climb if I stop making the mountains into molehills. There isn't growth in walking up a molehill☺️
I worry that if I allow myself to feel, that just like the physical part I won't be able to go back to just checking out. I'll be connected. I also think it will be so much better in the long run if I can allow myself to feel. 
Opposition in all things...pain and pleasure 
Sadness and joy. How can I really understand one without the other? 
-Sandi